Olleh! Hello!

And here we go again.

The battle between myself and I.

It's breakdown season, baby.

All my life I have always questioned myself in all aspects.

And I'm tired.

Malayo na narating ko compared to the Shayne 3 years ago but still here I am, back to square one questioning my worth.

Alam mo yung pakiramdam na wala kang silbi sa mundo. Like the world won't even notice if I'll be gone. Hindi kawalan in short.

I'm 32 and yet walang asenso. I don't know what I want to do with my career. I'm really tired of living from paycheck to paycheck. I've tried all the means to save but everytime, every single damn time na may konti akong naitatabi life will throw me sh*t. Like anubeeeee!

I really don't know what I want to do but one thing is for sure, I want to explore the world. I honestly want to leave Japan for good but I can't. The problem din kasi is I'm not fully equipped with the necessary skills to conquer the world. I'm just this ordinary-no talent-32-yr-old human being.

And tbh, my career problem is just the tip of the iceberg. Lo and behold, 3 fucking long years have passed and I'm still single. And you what's frustrating? It's not because I'm still in love with the same person. DUh. I'm soooo done with my past and I'm soooo okay. Pero wala. Well, partly it's my fault. I don't do those dating apps. I don't go out. I see the same set of people. So, paano di ba? I'm sooo okay with being single but tbh, there are just days or times that I find myself hoping that I have a partner by my side. I prayed and prayed and prayed but wala.

Hayyyy. As much as I love myself, ang hirap maging ako. I'm tired. I wanna raise the white flag na. I've had enough in this lifetime. 

Maybe in the next lifetime na lang? Maybe I'll be that bright and successful career woman I longed to be. Maybe I'll have someone like Shohei Ohtani. Lol Maybe in the next lifetime. Maybe.

Bye!