Hello!

Can I just be honest?

My good friend Rej finally walked down the aisle a few days ago. Believe me, I am genuinely happy for them. After a long and winding road, sila pa rin talaga ang para sa isa't isa. That's rare. It took me sometime before I sent them a congratulatory message. And kanina, I watched their SDE and I can't help but cry..like cry na cry talaga. I guess it was partly because I felt how magical the moment for them. And the rest was because we were almost there but we fell out. Here I am wondering, will I have that same magical moment? 

I know I have seen saying na tanggap ko na if ito ang kapalaran ko, single forever but I know deep down in me, I want to have that rare moment. But how? I guess, hanggang dito na lang talaga siguro. Maybe in the after life, I'll be happier.

 Hello!

First of all, happy new year blog!

I have been trying to address certain issues or baggage from 2020 since the beginning of the year. I was like, new year, new me. Haha But I guess there are just days that nakakapagod to pretend. So, kaninang madaling araw, around 2am, I found myself crying and making hagulgol. I can't sleep and inside my mind were things that I was trying to forget. But nak ng, ang kulit. Hayyy.

I'll be turning 30 this year. So surreal. After my failed relationship, surprisingly, I still do believe in love. I want to love again but most importantly, I want to be loved. I want to be treasured. I want that love na wouldn't throw me just because things are rough. I want that security na no matter what, it will still be me. 

I still believe in love but am I too late for that now?

I still want my own family but how?

I am scared tbh. At this time, I guess love is one of the rarest things a person could have and I am.....

 Hello.

My tummy's been acting up lately. I wonder why. I'm honestly sick of this. I don't wanna throw up. I want to enjoy my food...s without worrying about throwing up later. I have this problem for so long but man, gotta say this year is the worst. I actually have to refrain from eating any food with strong garlic aroma like garlic bread. Arghh. God knows how much I love good GBs. I can't fully enjoy yakiniku nowadays. My eyes would sparkle just the mere sight of the grill. But... I find swallowing beef so effin difficult. I have to take time... And by time, I mean sloooooowly. That sounds forever. Ayy, wala palang forever. Aww. Haha

I don't know what's happening. Am I sick? Or am it's all in the mind again? "Pa check up ka pala?". Prolly, that's the best solution but I have been turned down so nah. I don't want to go through that again. It hurts ya know.

I miss eating with gusto. I miss eating good foods. 

Kelan kaya ulit?

 Hello.

11.11. Add to cart day sa iba. Single's day naman sa iba. Ako? Guess what? 

Ahhh. I wrote on my previous blog about my broke-ness but voila, got som extra cash pa pala. Alhamdulillah. :) Hindi ako nag online shopping but namali sa Pinoy store. Naka 3k ako. Ghorl, ano na? May 10 anak ang peg? I just miss home and I'd grab any chance to get a glimpse or taste of home.

As much as I want to go home for good, konting push pa. Next year would be the start of what I call 'The Great Ipon-ing'. That's why this year, ge lang, pa gusto. Haha I pray that I would still get this job and still ganado to work.

More than a month before we bid goodbye to this year. Can we have the greatest plot twist of this year? Pero yung masaya? Yung sobra, nag uumapaw na saya? No more tears. Kung meron man, tears of x100 joy? Pwede ba?

Thank you.

 Hello.

10 days late but Hello November!

I remember the last time I was here, I was so heartbroken. Like duh, who would not? That's is. I'm so fed up. Lol. #marupok

I don't have any expectations for this month. I just want to be happy. Char! I want to move forward. But, so broke AF. haha Broke or not, I will live, for me.

I hope that we all be showered with blessings. How lovely it would be to move forward with shopping bags. haha

#claim

Peace out! 

 Hello.

Information overload.

After 2 weeks of being not myself, I got some answers. Unfortunately, I felt betrayed by someone I consider a friend. Lies. All lies. Hindi na natuto. What happened to 'never again' and 'I'm more cautious now'? La ka pala eh. Now, I know.

I felt hurt, tbh. With all the things that had happened this year, I would appreciate the truth. But...

I felt the pain again. I felt the pain that I was trying to heal over the 2 months I thought I was sober. And then what did they do? They threw alcohol in my open wound. Imagine, how painful that was..and still is. They threw alcohol and even stabbed that wound. ひどくなえ？Why? Satisfied now? Grats!

Just how many more people will stab me pa?

Prolly this one of my most painful posts. 💔

 Hello.

Ahhh. Today would have been the anniversary of a milestone in our lives last year. Unfortunately, it's not the same anymore. There's no more us to begin the story with.

Ahhh. How sakit in the lalamunan to make pigil my luha sa school. Wooo! I survived today's work without breaking down...After work was a different story though. 

I bought my favorite KK Original GD 'cause I thought it would make me feel bitter...este better pala. I went to Kita Senju before going home. Last year, I had the sweetest donut from Dunkin'. Those were the best, way charr. KK's oishii too but it kinda feels different today. Ahh... Memories.

It's getting colder day by day.. Autumn feels. I am in fact wearing my infamous blue sweatshirt from my Dad. Ahh. How I wish to be hugged ng matagal. It's been ages now. Iyak.

Ano self, ano na?