Hello.

Information overload.

After 2 weeks of being not myself, I got some answers. Unfortunately, I felt betrayed by someone I consider a friend. Lies. All lies. Hindi na natuto. What happened to 'never again' and 'I'm more cautious now'? La ka pala eh. Now, I know.

I felt hurt, tbh. With all the things that had happened this year, I would appreciate the truth. But...

I felt the pain again. I felt the pain that I was trying to heal over the 2 months I thought I was sober. And then what did they do? They threw alcohol in my open wound. Imagine, how painful that was..and still is. They threw alcohol and even stabbed that wound. ひどくなえ？Why? Satisfied now? Grats!

Just how many more people will stab me pa?

Prolly this one of my most painful posts. 💔

 Hello.

Ahhh. Today would have been the anniversary of a milestone in our lives last year. Unfortunately, it's not the same anymore. There's no more us to begin the story with.

Ahhh. How sakit in the lalamunan to make pigil my luha sa school. Wooo! I survived today's work without breaking down...After work was a different story though. 

I bought my favorite KK Original GD 'cause I thought it would make me feel bitter...este better pala. I went to Kita Senju before going home. Last year, I had the sweetest donut from Dunkin'. Those were the best, way charr. KK's oishii too but it kinda feels different today. Ahh... Memories.

It's getting colder day by day.. Autumn feels. I am in fact wearing my infamous blue sweatshirt from my Dad. Ahh. How I wish to be hugged ng matagal. It's been ages now. Iyak.

Ano self, ano na?

 Hello.

I woke up pretty well today. Alhamdulillah. I was productive in the morning which is RARE. I finished my laundry without the mamaya-na-muna. At hindi lang yun, nakapagluto pa ang ng carbonara. Yes, my first semi-successful carbonara. Haha

Then I received a message from a friend reminding me of something. Reality waved at me again with matching kindat pa. Kinilig ba ako? Aba syempre...hindi. It still hurts pala. I thought by now, it'll feel like a sting katulad ng mga exfoliating toner. Argh. My golly, self, ano bang alam mo sa world? Are you even alive?

Tough week. TMI that my mind and heart can't process. I was and still not myself today. I couldn't mean the words I say during my morning routine. I couldn't genuinely say, 'I am enough. I am loved. I am the best'. I even stop doing the squats which pinagtyagaan kong isama sa everyday routine ko. And that made me sad. I thought I was okay.

Why?

 Hello.

Today is a productive day. Yey! I did my laudry, cleaned my room and cooked fried chicken to perfection. Char sa to perfection kay walay lasa cyst. Haha As productive as I am today, I am extra sad today too. I have been putting up my 'I-am-okay' face and denied any signs of nega-ness. I guess, today is not one of those days. I felt sad because.....

Ahhh. This too shall pass.

 Hello.

This week was pretty okay. The end and the beginning. End of September and beginning of October. Wow! What on earth, it's already October. Grabe!

I got some shocking info yesterday. Ahhhhhh. And all I can do is pray.

Hayy.

Still, gonna hope for the best and that in time ( soonest), this too shall pass; that in time, we'll reach the end of the tunnel; that in time, we'll have the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

ChangED.