Hello!
Tiktok is a huge part of my healing and recovery. It knocked some senses to me. It made me realize that those invalidated feelings were actually VALID and OKAY. It helped me unleash the 'true' me, ver3.0. It made me happy.
But... in a way, it also gave me false hopes but okay na, naka recover na. I'm focusing on myself, tingin sa harap, walang lingunan na ito..and still, thank you tiktok. Haha
Tiktok's algorithm is weird as fuck. One day, you'll see videos about food the whole day, next, you'll see tarot readings (wag kyo maniwala, hindi totoo. LOL) all day. But these days, I'm into mom&babyTOK and that sucks. Like, OO, bitter na kung bitter pero autoBLOCK kayo. Sorry naman. HAHA Hindi kasi madala ng not interested button ihh, kaya bLOCK na lang. Kasi the more that I see it, the more I am reminded that I may not have the chance to experience that. I am reminded of what I don't have. That's actually the same reason why I unfollowed most in my FB. Almost all of them are engaged, married, preggy, nanganak, preggyforbabyno.2, nanganak. I am happy for them ha, don't get me wrong.
Sabi ni floxxy, don't lose hope daw. Pero how?
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Hello!
It's been a long time.
The thing is, I tested positive, COVID last Aug. 30th. 10 days of home quarantine. 10 days that felt like months.
It took me some time to post it. But yes, Alhamdulillah, I am alive. I went back to work and trying to live a normal life. It's not easy. Akala ko, kembot to the right and left lang and boom shakalaka, normal na ulit. Madali pa rin ako mapagod kaya naka off ang dora mode ko and mas lumala ang hair fall ko. Slowly but surely, babalik din.
September's about to end. It went by so quick.
I guess this is my 2nd life. So, YOLO v.2.0? Hell, yeah. Hahaha But I need funds ya know kaya sana, beke nemen, side hustle tayo dyan. Haha
I attended WCA's LT yesterday and the CEO said that most people die at 25 and are just waiting to die physically. I felt that. I died at 29 but I guess someone gave me the resurrection plant that's why I'm living like a zombie, with no direction. I regretted praying to be gone. I want to live pero with purpose hindi for the sake lang. I want to live talaga.
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Hello.
I have been vomiting all the things that I ate and NO, I am not preggo. Haha I wasn't able to go to the doctor over the month-long summer vacation because I fell short of cash. Haha And tbh, walang naiwan sa sweldo ko like walang joke. Ubos sa bills hanggang huling yen ng sweldo ko.
I don't know what to do na. And it sucks sa true lang.
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Lo and behold, it's summer!
As it gets hotter and hotter every day, my anxiety is also knocking at my door and window. Oh no, oh no, oh no, no, no.
I am really tired to face my monsters atm. I am trying to be okay so monsties, please behave. I want to live my life the way I should.
More than Pinoy foods, I am really craving a good conversation. I haven't had one for ages. I am thankful for the good laughs and all the fun with my new-and-and-not-so-new-friends but a good conversation? I haven't had. I want to feel alive again. I want that conversation about this and that. That kind of conversation that I would forget about time. I want to get lost in that conversation.
Oh God! Please let me meet that great person, soonest.
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Hello!
I had a great weekend. We celebrated Ann's birthday. :) I needed that. It has been a month since I last went out with friends and had fun. It was worth the gastos and kapoy. I was able to laugh my heart's out. And Alhamdulillah for that.
I am okay lately but my body isn't. Haha They are never in sync. Grrr! This morning, I had a 'deluxe' breakfast from Mcdo so I thought my gastro will be happy but lo and behold, it didn't. Kaya, I don't know what to do na tuloy.
I hope I'll be okay through and through. When I am okay it kinda scares me. #overthinkerbelike.
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Hello!
The following events happened last Thursday and Friday. Inisa ko na lang. LOL
Thursday: I got off from work pretty early, 1:30 so I decided to stay at McDo which is near the station. I was feeling hungry since I think I threw up everything after school lunch. And NO, I am not preggo. Haha After some time, I decided to go home. When I arrived at my station, Takenotsuka, I went to the ticket machine to renew my card ( I forgot to do it that morning. Grrr). After that, as I was searching for my wallet, guess what, wala. I thought I may have left it as bahay but then I remembered that I had it this morning since I had to charge my card. I went home to check and wala talaga so it means I have left or dropped it at Kita Urawa. Surprisingly, I was not tensed. Siguro, I had this feeling na 100% nasa station. I went back at the station 'cause I know my mind won't let me sleep. #Overthinker. And, thanka God, it was there, safe and sound. Walang nawala.:)
Friday: My mind decided to be productive, that's why 2:30am nagising. And hindi na ako nakabalik ng tulog. I was sooooo lutang. And hey I had G3 and G4 that day, so hindi pwede and 'hello', dapat 'helloooooooooooooooo' level, ganern. I survived work that day naman. I didn't go home right away, nag shopping pa ako. Haha I arrived home at 6:30 pm. Thank God, unscratched, lutang lang talaga. Haha
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Hello!
Today, I confirmed few things. I hope I can make kwento here but apparently, I have to keep it to myself.
True love? Is it true? Sh*t! I want to answer NO but...... Have you ever.... basta yun.
Is this the sign that I have been waiting for?
Is this the right time to forget everything?
If yes, God, help me to forget everything. Please erase all memories that I have so I can start again. Please send someone to find me 'cause I am drowning. I want to live. I want to be found. All I want is to love and be loved back.
Why is it always difficult?
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