Ola!

I saw this video from Tiktok, she found out she's preggo with her 3rd baby at 21. 3rd baby at 21. And here I am 30 and single. Just wow!

I have always wanted to have my own ever since and I thought it was within reach... But the unexpected happened. In a snap, it became impossible. As I was forced to give up on love and forever, it seems like I have to give this dream of becoming a mom. Siguro nga I am not meant to be one. 私はやっぱりだめですね。

I have to give up on love and this dream and act like it's okay because that's what the people want. The world wants me to be okay. But damn people, it's not okay. I am not okay. I am just so tired of people saying na 'Okay lang yan. Makahanap ka pa', 'Okay lang yan. Mag antay ka lang', 'Okay lang yan. In God's time', 'Okay lang yan. Okay lang yan'. 

I honestly don't want to give up but what choice do I have? 

Fuck this world. Pagod na pagod na ako. Ayoko na talaga. 

Can I just go back to when I was 10? Or can I just disappear now?