Hey,

I hope that bukas pag gising ko, I'm not overthinking anymore.

I'm really tired of this shit.

I wanna live my life. Like LIVE.

"May all negative energy be returned to sender."

"May every evil eye upo be go blind."

"May every tongue that rises againsts me fall."

"May every ill intention return to sender."

 Hello!

It's been a long time no? Sorry naman. Haha

Ang dami kong rants lalo na last year pero tinamad lang. Haha Halos parehas pa rin naman.

Hey, musta balentayms kahapon?

Haha.

Ako? Well, single pa rin naman ako kaya walang romantic date. I was with Ann tho, we had steak for dinner in Shinjuku. Not the wagyu but manifesting *unli wagyu* soonest. 

So, why am I here?

I thought I can share this here.

Ann and I were talking about life, love, relationships, and etc. Haha 

Our convo was like this:

Ann: Ahhh, basta ako manigurado sa ko nang uyy.

Me: Syempre. Ring muna befora anything else.

Ann: Ngeee, gihatagan man ngani ka pero wala gihapon. 

Me: Hahaha. Tama diay no? Nakalimot ko dah.

And then I realized, shit!, I'm fuckin' okay na jud. It didn't hurt at all.  I mean, matagal na akong okay, *MOVED ON since 2021 but officialy in  2022*LOL . Nung 2020, I thought I wouldn't be able to move on but I did, I fuckin' did. I just find it amazing kasi hindi na sya big deal as it was in 2020. That part of my past is starting to fade without me realizing it. I made it to the end of the tunnel. Congrats baby ghorl! :)  

 Olleh! Hello!

And here we go again.

The battle between myself and I.

It's breakdown season, baby.

All my life I have always questioned myself in all aspects.

And I'm tired.

Malayo na narating ko compared to the Shayne 3 years ago but still here I am, back to square one questioning my worth.

Alam mo yung pakiramdam na wala kang silbi sa mundo. Like the world won't even notice if I'll be gone. Hindi kawalan in short.

I'm 32 and yet walang asenso. I don't know what I want to do with my career. I'm really tired of living from paycheck to paycheck. I've tried all the means to save but everytime, every single damn time na may konti akong naitatabi life will throw me sh*t. Like anubeeeee!

I really don't know what I want to do but one thing is for sure, I want to explore the world. I honestly want to leave Japan for good but I can't. The problem din kasi is I'm not fully equipped with the necessary skills to conquer the world. I'm just this ordinary-no talent-32-yr-old human being.

And tbh, my career problem is just the tip of the iceberg. Lo and behold, 3 fucking long years have passed and I'm still single. And you what's frustrating? It's not because I'm still in love with the same person. DUh. I'm soooo done with my past and I'm soooo okay. Pero wala. Well, partly it's my fault. I don't do those dating apps. I don't go out. I see the same set of people. So, paano di ba? I'm sooo okay with being single but tbh, there are just days or times that I find myself hoping that I have a partner by my side. I prayed and prayed and prayed but wala.

Hayyyy. As much as I love myself, ang hirap maging ako. I'm tired. I wanna raise the white flag na. I've had enough in this lifetime. 

Maybe in the next lifetime na lang? Maybe I'll be that bright and successful career woman I longed to be. Maybe I'll have someone like Shohei Ohtani. Lol Maybe in the next lifetime. Maybe.

Bye!

 Hello!

3 years ago, I unfollowed ALL pages related to wedding kasi nga ano. Hahaha But now, guess what, I found myself liking those pages again. And no, I'm not getting married this year ( but who knows. LOL). I'm very much single. Haha If there's one thing I got from following those pages again is..... it doesn't hurt anymore. It took some time... a long time actually but finally.. Yey! I don't want to talk about that part anymore kay kapoy na but all I can say is I'm really thankful that I made it. 

This year I'll be 32 na. Officially out of the calendar. I'm considered 'old' na jud. I still believe in marriage and still dreams of getting married one day. The question ra jud is when and to whom. Haha I know time is ticking and makabungol na sila mader pero wala jud. I don't go out and meet people so, paano? Haha I'm not into dating apps din. Hay, ewan ko. Haha

Bahala na. Basta, dili ta magsettle for less. Hahaha

In God we trust.

Pero baka naman po.

 Hello!

For unknown reason, I'm feeling sick. I don't have my beautiful voice yesterday. Yes, yesterday, and I had first grade sched. Great, isn't it? It was really hard. I haven't been sick this bad ever since I had rona, so, I didn't saw this one coming. I woke up feeling weak but the downside of this singleblesedness. Haha I got to give myself TLC cause no one else would. I have been thinking about seeing a doctor but for my gastro problem but it will depend on the news to come. Haaaay. I have been on the edge for sometime now. I'm so lost. Next week's gonna be the make it or break it. I pray to make it tho. 

I also received my electric bill and it's around 8,000 yen. Like, vkettt? Mas naluya ko dah. Like, I have been saving na nga and not wasting electricity kaso wala pa rin? I'm really tired of this life, always na lang kulang ang effort ko.I have been in a tight spot since last year and I have been trying to save and even changed my spending habits just to accommodate my 'new' life. Pero, kulang pa rin. Whenever I open my mailbox, puro bills. I have been trying to look for online part time job pero wala rin. 

Am I this bad? Why do I always feel that nothing is going the right way. I always have to wait. Kapoy naman uyy. I have been praying but seems like my prayers are and have not yet been answered.

Again, maybe in the next lifetime?

Kakapoy na ba.

 Hello!

I guess no matter how I try to avoid making  this account as my emotional dumpsite,it cant really be avoided. I just need to let it out. It feels so heavy and I have nobody to talk to. And by that, I don't mean any disrespect to my friends but I know too well that they've got in theirs as well.

I'm so filled with sooo much anxiety. I feel like I am in the middle of nowhere. LOST. I'm feeling scared. 

I haven't been lucky both financial and in the field of love. Why? Tbh, I'm so broke right now. Hindi naman ako maluho and I have been prioritizing my bills pero wala pa rin. I have been trying to find a side hustle pero wala pa rin. Idagdag mo pa yung fact na ang daming nasisira o nawawala na gamit. Nakaka frustrate. Lagi na lang. Halos wala na nga akong nabibili na bago pero gipit pa rin. Bakeeettt?

3 yrs. and counting na akong single. My parents and others have been nagging me about getting married and having  a kid but paano kasi? Sana ganun kadali. And I don't want to settle for less just for the sake of having one. Is it wrong to want for someone that could love and treat me right? 

I have not been eating well lately. I threw up most of the time. I haven't seen a doctor due to lack of funds. Hindi na talaga ako natutuwa. Nakakapagod na. I haven't enjoyed eating for the longest time.

Lifeee. Bakit man ganito? Bakit ang daya? I guess, if I die, better. Bawi na lng sa next lifetime. Baka sali, maging tama na ang lahat.