Hello!

It's been a while.

I did it!

I'm out of Takenotsuka.:) Finally, I was able to leave.

I'm happy that for the first time since I came here to Japan, I made a decision for myself. I finally found the courage to take responsibility and took this chance to rely to myself. Myself, my not-so-confident-overthinker-self. 

I've waited for so long for this moment. I'm happy.

But yea, you got it right. This post won't be complete without my worries and rants. Haha

Bills. I don't have any problem with living alone but the bills that await me scare me a lot. If there's one thing that I deeply regret is I forgot to consider the cost of living. Sure thing, Saitama City's really convenient but damn, tax and health insurance are also expensive. Yea, I'm doomed.

If there's one thing that I failed to appreciate in Adachi ku was their city hall's service. They're accommodating and not even once did I feel that I was not welcome. Chuo ku? Meh.

My mind's really full of worries about payables. I only have my salary to rely on but my bills are so greedy, they want it all. I want to live a decent life.

I pray everyday for the opportunity to b financially stable. I have recovered myself. Yay! And I don't wanna lose myself in this battle again. This one is different though but I'm gonna fight. I just need my weapon and armor. I will fight.

 Hello!

Tiktok is a huge part of my healing and recovery. It knocked some senses to me. It made me realize that those invalidated feelings were actually VALID and OKAY. It helped me unleash the 'true' me, ver3.0. It made me happy.

But... in a way, it also gave me false hopes but okay na, naka recover na. I'm focusing on myself, tingin sa harap, walang lingunan na ito..and still, thank you tiktok. Haha 

Tiktok's algorithm is weird as fuck. One day, you'll see videos about food the whole day, next, you'll see tarot readings (wag kyo maniwala, hindi totoo. LOL) all day. But these days, I'm into mom&babyTOK and that sucks. Like, OO, bitter na kung bitter pero autoBLOCK kayo. Sorry naman. HAHA Hindi kasi madala ng not interested button ihh, kaya bLOCK na lang. Kasi the more that I see it, the more I am reminded that I may not have the chance to experience that. I am reminded of what I don't have. That's actually the same reason why I unfollowed most in my FB. Almost all of them are engaged, married, preggy, nanganak, preggyforbabyno.2, nanganak. I am happy for them ha, don't get me wrong.

Sabi ni floxxy, don't lose hope daw. Pero how?

 Hello!

It's been a long time.

The thing is, I tested positive, COVID last Aug. 30th. 10 days of home quarantine. 10 days that felt like months. 

It took me some time to post it. But yes, Alhamdulillah, I am alive. I went back to work and trying to live a normal life. It's not easy. Akala ko, kembot to the right and left lang and boom shakalaka, normal na ulit. Madali pa rin ako mapagod kaya naka off ang dora mode ko and mas lumala ang hair fall ko. Slowly but surely, babalik din.

September's about to end. It went by so quick. 

I guess this is my 2nd life. So, YOLO v.2.0? Hell, yeah. Hahaha But I need funds ya know kaya sana, beke nemen, side hustle tayo dyan. Haha

I attended WCA's LT yesterday and the CEO said that most people die at 25 and are just waiting to die physically. I felt that. I died at 29 but I guess someone gave me the resurrection plant that's why I'm living like a zombie, with no direction. I regretted praying to be gone. I want to live pero with purpose hindi for the sake lang. I want to live talaga.

 Hello.

I have been vomiting all the things that I ate and NO, I am not preggo. Haha I wasn't able to go to the doctor over the month-long summer vacation because I fell short of cash. Haha And tbh, walang naiwan sa sweldo ko like walang joke. Ubos sa bills hanggang huling yen ng sweldo ko. 

I don't know what to do na. And it sucks sa true lang. 

Thursday: I got off from work pretty early, 1:30 so I decided to stay at McDo which is near the station. I was feeling hungry since I think I threw up everything after school lunch. And NO, I am not preggo. Haha After some time, I decided to go home. When I arrived at my station, Takenotsuka, I went to the ticket machine to renew my card ( I forgot to do it that morning. Grrr). After that, as I was searching for my wallet, guess what, wala. I thought I may have left it as bahay but then I remembered that I had it this morning since I had to charge my card. I went home to check and wala talaga so it means I have left or dropped it at Kita Urawa. Surprisingly, I was not tensed. Siguro, I had this feeling na 100% nasa station. I went back at the station 'cause I know my mind won't let me sleep. #Overthinker. And, thanka God, it was there, safe and sound. Walang nawala.:)

Friday: My mind decided to be productive, that's why 2:30am nagising. And hindi na ako nakabalik ng tulog. I was sooooo lutang. And hey I had G3 and G4 that day, so hindi pwede and 'hello', dapat 'helloooooooooooooooo' level, ganern. I survived work that day naman. I didn't go home right away, nag shopping pa ako. Haha I arrived home at 6:30 pm. Thank God, unscratched, lutang lang talaga. Haha