Hi!
How are you? Yes, you. I know you won't be able to read this cause you've already moved on and obviously forgotten about me. *weeps*
Are you eating well? Did you join the camp this year? I know we're already done but surprisingly, I still want to talk to you about a loooooot of things. I would still like to tell you how I made this dish. My dining experience won't ever be the same again and I really miss that. I won't be able to eat with gusto for the time being but I'm still chubs. Argh.
I'll be honest, over the past months I developed a hatred towards you and you can't blame me for that. I cried every single day. I hid in darkness to find comfort and I did. It was cold and lonely in there. I hated you. But I know deep in my crushed heart, that I was longing for your hug. Sucks. Bipolar.
Maybe, you are right. This has to happen. It's still painful. I am still hurting. But along the way, I am slowly re-learning about myself. Day by day, I am once again discovering things about myself. I am still far from version 2.0 of myself. #selfcare
I still love you and I think it will take some time to unlove you. How can I unlove that easily? I am not going to force myself to unlove you anymore. I'll try to live one day at a time. This is not some delaying-slash-hoping-slash-false-hope-tactic. You and the world already slapped me with huwag-ka-na-umasa-bitch. What else can I do, right? So, even though I still love you to the core, I need to move forward.
I miss you day by day. There are days that you would visit me in my dreams. Some are good and some are duh, nightmare-ish. Lol I hope you are doing well. I wish I could still take care of you but my contract's been terminated already. I can just love you from afar and include you in my prayers.
I wish we could rewrite our story one more time but I could only wish, right? Suntok sa buwan. Madayang tadhana/
**05/24/2022
Anu ba yan, marupok yarnnn? I was proud of you pa naman in the previous post. You were so strong there then bigla, a soft and longing post we had here. Haha But yea, it showed lang the journey we had back then. Minsan atapang-a-tao pero madalas marupok.Haha I think during this time that I made this post (8/15/2020) babad ako sa tiktok and madalas dumadaan young mga tarot readings and the gullible me, umasa. I was praying that he'd come back. Kaso wala ihh. Haha Seriously tho, despite sa sakit that I felt back then, had he decided to come back, I'd welcome him with open arms. But towards the end of the year, lo and behold, my arms got tired din and slowly and painfully, I lost hope na. Maybe God allowed me to be hurt ng sobra sobra para ako na mismo bumitaw sa hope that I was holding to. Believe me, it wasn't the easiest thing to do. Prolly the hardest pill I had to swallow is to accept na we were never meant to be and ours ended already. He was my first love. He was my world. And for me to accept that there's no more us, promise, that was sooooooo painful.
Madaya ang tadhana? Maybe? Maybe. We questioned tadhana and God a thousand times di ba? And 2 years later, slowly, we're getting the answers to the whys.
LOVE. It will change you rin talaga no?
