Thursday: I got off from work pretty early, 1:30 so I decided to stay at McDo which is near the station. I was feeling hungry since I think I threw up everything after school lunch. And NO, I am not preggo. Haha After some time, I decided to go home. When I arrived at my station, Takenotsuka, I went to the ticket machine to renew my card ( I forgot to do it that morning. Grrr). After that, as I was searching for my wallet, guess what, wala. I thought I may have left it as bahay but then I remembered that I had it this morning since I had to charge my card. I went home to check and wala talaga so it means I have left or dropped it at Kita Urawa. Surprisingly, I was not tensed. Siguro, I had this feeling na 100% nasa station. I went back at the station 'cause I know my mind won't let me sleep. #Overthinker. And, thanka God, it was there, safe and sound. Walang nawala.:)

Friday: My mind decided to be productive, that's why 2:30am nagising. And hindi na ako nakabalik ng tulog. I was sooooo lutang. And hey I had G3 and G4 that day, so hindi pwede and 'hello', dapat 'helloooooooooooooooo' level, ganern. I survived work that day naman. I didn't go home right away, nag shopping pa ako. Haha I arrived home at 6:30 pm. Thank God, unscratched, lutang lang talaga. Haha

 Hello!

Today, I confirmed few things. I hope I can make kwento here but apparently, I have to keep it to myself.

True love? Is it true? Sh*t! I want to answer NO but...... Have you ever.... basta yun.

Is this the sign that I have been waiting for?

Is this the right time to forget everything?

If yes, God, help me to forget everything. Please erase all memories that I have so I can start again. Please send someone to find me 'cause I am drowning. I want to live. I want to be found. All I want is to love and be loved back.

Why is it always difficult?

 Yo!

 Our song for tonight is called To the Bones by Pamungkas.

My flight is canceled.

Not this year again?

Imma go crazy na siguro.

Ottoke?

 Hello!

 I'm really not good with words to express myself but I found some songs that say it all. So, here's the first of I-don't-know-how-many. 

I found a guy, told me I was a star
He held the door held my hand in the dark
And he's perfect on paper but he's lying to my face
Does he think that I'm the kinda girl who needs to be saved
And there's one more boy, he's from my past
We fell in love but it didn't last
'Cause the second I figure it out he pushes me away
And I won't fight for love if you won't meet me halfway
And I say that I'm through but this song's still for you
All I want is love that lasts
Is all I want too much to ask
Is it something wrong with me
All I want is a good guy
Are my expectations far too high
Try my best but what can I say
All I have is myself at the end of the day
But shouldn't that be enough for me
Ooh ooh ooh ooh, ooh ooh
And I miss the days
When I was young and naive
I thought the perfect guy would come and find me
Now happy ever after it don't come so easily
All I want is love that lasts
Is all I want too much to ask
Is it something wrong with me, oh
All I want is a good guy
Are my expectations far too high
Try my best but what can I say
All I have is myself at the end of the day
And all I want is for that to be okay

HANASH:
When I first heard this song, I was like 'Nice!' but when I played it over and over again, that was the time it hit me. This is my song. This is it! I actually cried gallons over this tears. I could still remember, it was after noon, I just came from work, I had this song on loop and suddenly I just found myself crying. ALL I WANT IS LOVE THAT LASTS line just hit different. It's all that I want but it was taken from me. And until now I do question myself, 'IS IT SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME?' I am still hurting and it sucks. ALL I WANT IS FOR ME TO BE OKAY but it's so hard.
I'm so tired.

#ALLIWANT

 Hey!

I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm soooo lost.

My heart is soooo heavy yet it's empty.

It's just me now. I can't rely on anyone.

Ann was admitted last weekend.

Don is also tired from work.

Floxxy is also busy.

And the others have business and problems of their own.

And I couldn't find the guts to make singit.

After all, this is just a 'drama'.

You know, last year, I didn't cry while I was at school despite what happened but I don't know, kanina, I guess it was just to heavy to carry anymore. I cried, as loob ng CR syempre. I wanted to shout ng pagkalakas lakas. I wanted to shout, AYOKO NAAAAAA. PAGOOOOOD NA AKO. Pakiramdam ko, I lost myself and this time, it's real. FOr the first time, I am acknowledging na, indeed, I am so lost.

I am a hopeless case na siguro. I pray that a next lifetime, ma achieve ko whatever I am not able to do now.Maybe sa next lifetime, masayahin, maganda, hindi madrama and talented ako. Maybe sa next lifetime, pipiliin, paninindigan at mamahalin ako ng higit sa kaya kong ibigay.

But right now, the person that is typing is so fucking tired.

And gusto ko na magpahinga.